LynnAVIE`♥

2012-01-27T22:00:00.002+08:00

There are things that I don't want to happen but have to accept, things I don't want to know but have to learn, and people I can't live without but have to let go.

First match of the season with Yishun today, great job team! Won them 58 - 3. Helped out in the Sec1s training afterwards before heading for french. That awkward moment when you step in French class in your competition attire and everyone just stops talking and stares at you until you reach your seat. Yeah, that awkward. Weekends are finally here but I still gotta mug for Monday's common test. Go Lynn go!

2012-01-26T20:48:00.002+08:00

You never cross my mind at all, it's what I tell myself. What we had has come and gone, you're better off with someone else.

Survived just another day of school, maths test was awesome. I can pass it! Basketball and studied with my girls afterwards. First match in zonals tomorrow. I'm excited. Lets do this, lets show 'em what we're made of! I can't wait for this week to be over.

2012-01-25T20:21:00.001+08:00

Lingering pain has changed me everyday - and now I'm covered with a substance of darkness that won't wash away.

Back to school today! Got our new classmates too, lessons were as per normal, just the usual quiet me by the corner. Being invisible to practically everyone. It's kind of nice though, I focus more. Training with the girls afterwards, I'm totally drained and there's still Standard Deviation test tomorrow but I'm actually pretty confident for it so I'll just touch up on it later on. So goodnights! x

2012-01-24T23:36:00.003+08:00

"Sometimes, when one person is missing, the whole world seems depopulated."

Steamboat at Wenyi's place with the team today! Fun fun fun fun! Gambled a couple of rounds and I only won less than $2 ☹ Wanted to play Indian Poker with some drinks but we totally forgot that the shops weren't opened. Met up with Bryan afterwards and played a couple of rounds of 21, and I won a couple of dollars. ☺ Hahaha but he gave me chance lah, headed off afterwards. Great day! Back to school tomorrow. ☹

2012-01-22T21:38:00.003+08:00

Relating to this. I'm really sick of these quarrels we have often. It wasn't supposed to be like this. We're both making each other miserable and it's obvious to everyone that the both of us changed after the break up. For the better and worst. We're complete strangers trying to pretend that we never knew the other yet every now and then, we quarrel. Indirectly. Everyone can see it and know that we're both referring to the other. I'm sick of it. Why can't we just be friends? Oh wait, we can't. I miss you old friend, and seeing you in my dreams just makes these heartaches worst. In my dreams, we're back together. And the most painful part is waking up, and knowing that it's just a dream. Once, just once, I wish time would go back, back to the day we first got together, maybe if we didn't get together, we would still be friends by now. I admit, things were much better when we were still friends. I feel like I'm on the losing side, cause every single time I try to move on, I fall back more. One step forward, two steps back. I just miss the life I had when everything was just right, the time I was actually contented with my life. So much things had changed and I'm still trying to find my footing. I've been hurt so many times before. But I always recovered. So what's different this time? Why can't I get back up again? I need to be strong, and by being strong sometimes means being able to let go.

Just a rant, goodbye.

2012-01-21T23:26:00.003+08:00

I've been hurt so many times before. I've had my heart broken and I've shed thousands of tears. But I always recovered. So what's different this time? Why can't I get back up again?

CNY celebration at school yesterday, then celebrated Lillia's birthday at Pizza Hut afterwards. Headed to town with the girls after that then went for french. Short holiday for me during CNY and I have no plans. I need a study buddy yar, any volunteers?

2012-01-18T21:23:00.003+08:00

Stop taking advantage of people just because you know that they'll be behind your back no matter what.

School as always, studying and basketball after school with the usuals for the past few days. Celebrated Angelu's birthday today with epic cake smash. And ended the day singing loads of songs with Cricket 9596.

2012-01-16T22:31:00.001+08:00

Honestly when you told me you'd never leave, I trusted you.

Celebrated Xinyi's sweet 16 yesterday with a big group of people at Marina Barrage. Firstly, bought her "giant" balloon and I was an idiot walking around with him, then met up with Wenyi and Wanyi and we kind of freaked out when the train stopped moving. Met up with the rest at Barrage and waited for the birthday girl. Mini picnic till evening until we got attacked by beetles and bees. They literally flew to us and yeah, we all panicked. Went home afterwards. Boring lessons today then training after school. I'm done with my homework too! I think. I can't wait for zonals but the sad thing is that it only starts next Friday. I'll be back when I can. Goodbye. ☺

2012-01-13T22:54:00.003+08:00

Maybe I'm to blame for pushing everyone who's ever cared about me away.

It's finally Fridayyyy!! And I just got off Twitter jail, yeah jail, I tweeted too much. Netball trials for the kiddos yesterday and they were a cute bunch. I actually teared up when some of those girls cried cause they didn't get in. I really do hope they work hard in this coming month and fight for that spot. Busy last few days studying and playing basketball. N'zone starting next week and I'm so pumped after finding out the schools we're playing against with. Go team! ☺

2012-01-10T20:39:00.002+08:00

I know I should forget about you, but I don't think I could ever forgive myself if I did.

I'm really terribly sorry for the lack of updates. Homework is takin' up most of my time and every once in a while, there's training. Os results were released yesterday and I'm glad that the seniors did well. Although I'm really disappointed knowing bout yours but whatever, it's none of my concern anymore. I just wish that you'll pick the right path and make the right decisions in your life, don't get in trouble anymore. Life is short, live it well. Yesterday was probably the last time I'm ever going to see and I'm surely going to miss you but I wish nothing but the best for you, so stay happy Afnan. Good luck in your life. Matrix test tomorrow and I'm pretty sure I'll do well, I'm confident. And zonals are starting next week and I'm really excited for it.

2012-01-07T21:39:00.002+08:00

Hearts change, I know they do, but part of mine will always love you.

Orientation camp 2012 is finally overrrrrrrr!!!
Had the final batch of sec ones for Mass Games yesterday and it kinda sucked cause none of them really cooperated but whatever. Had fun with my buds there. Didn't go for lessons afterwards so helped random groups and went off for lunch afterwards. Got Koi from Deon, thanks man! Then wandered around school like a loner cause the rest were busy getting briefed. Joined 1E2 for the CCA Open House then got loads of free stuff. Yeah, I'm a cheapo. Met up with Ms De Witt and Kelvan and rehearsed for the campfire then headed for dinner. Wireless headsets are soooooo cool! Few more practices before wandering around school. Kiddos then gathered for the campfire and it's time for our job! Started off and I'm glad it's a success, even though there were many screw ups in between. WE DID IT! Voiceless afterwards then kept the benches and headed for supper. Loads of scoldings for them but they deserved it, they were a noisy bunch of kids with no respect. Took over 1E1 afterwards and sent the girls to the class for their sleep. Good lil girls went to sleep in no time but I was some loner waiting for Tong while she bathes. She came back then walked out and joined the guys at the parade square and stared at the stars for a while. Washed up then headed back to the class and listened to music till I fell asleep. Woke up the next day with a really bad cold and I literally froze to death just sitting in the classroom. Sent them down then did area cleaning and headed for breakfast afterwards. Took Veritas together with Mdm Tan and yeah, it was fun. Prize presentation afterwards and camp ended! Lunch with the girls + Chee Kim, Cindy, Valent, Chan Kuan, Jarett, Wilfred, Muthu, Denzel, Wee Long, Yeong Seok, Amzar and Irfan afterwards and it was fun fun fun! Went off afterwards and I was some kid who was trying her best not to fall asleep on the train. KO-ed once I reached home. Great camp though, but it could had been better if they really joined in. Oh wells, camp is over, back to studies!

2012-01-05T22:58:00.002+08:00

These days, there's not much meaning left in life. I'm just going through every single day not knowing what I'm supposed to do.

I'm terribly sorry for the lack of updates. Ever since school started, I've been lacking of sleep and booked up every afternoon and I'm running low on blog time. Started the first day of school with only an hour's sleep and the long talks by Mr Lim and the teachers, administration stuff and lesson times did no help in keeping me up. Training that day was super tiring and it even ended late and we even had to prepare the stuff for the next day and it's no surprised that I knocked out immediately when I reached home. On Wednesday, I was busy with the CCA trials with a couple of my girls and it's really hard to manage all those sec ones. I mean, like I have to keep on explaining whatever instructions and do demonstrations too. I literally lacked the energy and I barely could stand up straight for a five minutes. It's like there's this invisible 100kg block on me and I can't even do anything properly. And to make matters worst, my back and knees were hurting badly. Headed back to lessons and climbing up to the forth floor was torture. I barely had the strength to lift my two feet and I just died once I reached my table. Even my buddies could see that I was dead and I looked really pale according to many of them. Plus I even had to meet Mr Ho after school and we waited for hours for him cause he was so busy with the other groups that we ended up being the last to leave. But not before doing the mass dance and all. And yeah, to top that, I had to write the script for the campfire ALONE. Do you know how tiring and brain straining that was? I had to think and think of ideas and get it done by the next day. Knocked out once I printed it, even calls couldn't keep me up. I needed my sleep. Today was no better. My deary Tong Tong didn't come and I was left alone with the guys for Mass Games. And it sucks when the sec ones don't cooperate with us. Is it that hard to mix around with other classes? No right? They make it seem like it's a tough thing to do. But on the bright side, that was the first batch, the other batch that came in afterwards was much better and everyone cooperated. ☺ So after the Mass Games, had a short break and ended up skipping Physics so I just did my maths homework alone. Yeap, forever alone kid. School ended then I had to rush back down to meet Mr Ho and show him the script. And I was that pathetic kid sitting down just waiting for teachers, ALONE. Ms De Witt then came then I had to climb up to the staff room and practice the script, again ALONE. Went off for training afterwards (tough as usual) and here I am. I'm super drained but there's still two more days of Orientation and tomorrow's gonna be a super long day so I'll just leave it to another post. I'll be back on Saturday. Goooodbye. I can't wait till camp's over.

2012-01-02T21:15:00.002+08:00

I know I'm thinking too fast again, and it's all in my head like a trance but it's there and it won't go away.

Met up with my dear Wenyi and I actually lost her. I couldn't contact her at all so I was this dumb pathetic kid walking around Serangoon looking for her. FOR THIRTY MINUTES. I literally panicked. Then some random person called my phone and it was her, I could had scream okay people. I was actually panicking inside and if I panic, I tear up. So met up with that dumb girl on the train and took it to Harbourfront and walked to the bus stop. And that stupid girl pranked me and I literally broke one of my resolutions: not to get fooled by anyone. Took the bus to Queensway and bumped to tons of people from NV. We literally went super sian when we kept bumping to Warner and Jonathan. Didn't get any bags in the end :( but epic day much, then dad called and ruined the rest of the day. Sorry mom and dad. But I'm sick of this place.

2012-01-01T21:47:00.003+08:00

I can't wait to screw this year up too. Hi 2012.

2011-12-31T19:29:00.005+08:00

You don't need a new year to change yourself.

IT'S THE LAST DAY OF 2011!
(enjoy the picture of Zayn Malik up there)
I gotta say, 2011 may had many shitty moments along the way, but I did had lots of great memories in it. Getting into an awesome class, 3E6 and meeting tons of awesome people in there, we had loads of memories together. Speaking of memories, I won't forget all the drama we spent together in there, good and bad. I can't wait to spend another year with them studying for our Os. And being in the team and getting closer with my mates. I'm really thankful to have them in the team and them for supporting me through all the hard times, the break-up and all the other drama I went through. I'm sure, for 2012, we'll do really well in the North Zone and Nationals cause I believe in them, we'll make it far. Cause I know, we'll be there for each other through thick and thin, through those easy and hard trainings and through every single game we play. I just can't believe that three years in my Secondary life had gone by so quickly. It's almost as if yesterday, it was the first day of Orientation 2009. Time flew by way too fast. It's really hard to accept the fact that 2012 is my last year in NV.

I also met many wonderful people in this year, it's pretty true about the quote "No one stays with you forever." But I'm thankful for those that stayed, and even thankful for those that left, cause in one way or another, they did teach me a lesson that I'd be keeping in my mind always. And to coach, even though you left us to move on in another career, we'll always look up to you and thank you for all that we've gone through, cause without you, we wouldn't be where we are right now.

And to my haters (if I still have any), thanks for teaching me not to care about what y'all say and just believing in myself. I won't be affected by your words anymore. Kiss my ass. ☺

And even with my break up with Afnan, I've learnt a lot. He gave me many wonderful memories that I'll always remember and he also did teach me tons of life lessons with all the stories he told me. It's a pity that we're no longer friends but all the memories will always be here with me. And maybe even with him, even though we're no longer in speaking terms. I hate to say that it's over but I'm thankful to have spent those months with him that made me grow up as a person. I admit, the time spent with him was not enough. But it's time to get a move on. And for the girl he likes, as long as she makes him happy, I'll be happy for him. I only wish that he'll be happy in whatever decision he makes, and that he does well for his O levels and future plans. Thank you for all that you've done.

To those that left or brought me down in one way or another, thank you for making me a stronger person.

And to my girls, thank you for sticking with me through it all. Cause without you girls, I wouldn't be where I am right now. I'm really glad that I became closer with y'all this year and I have no regrets in the decisions I've made. I really regretted neglecting you girls last year but you've always stuck by me even after all that happened. Cause I learnt, no matter what happens, my team is always by my side to support me. Thank you for all the lessons and for believing in me even if I didn't believed in myself. I'm really glad and thankful that y'all didn't give up on me when I did and with you girls, I've learnt to have faith in myself and just do it. Thank you for all the support especially on the times I'd just break down on court. Thank you for all the fond memories we had as a team. And lastly, thank you for being the greatest unbiological sisters I ever had. We're going to do well next year, we're going to dominate the court and win those schools and we'll do ourselves proud.
NV NETBALL'S GONNA WIN IT ALL!!!

For 2012, all I want is to be happy and do well in my O levels. There's still a lot of things I haven't learnt and a lot of growing up to do. There's still many things I need to reflect on and I hope that I won't make the same mistakes that I made this year. I know that I'll still be going through shit but I hope 2012 would be a better year.

2011-12-30T22:19:00.004+08:00

Why are you living your life for someone else? It's your life, no one should tell you how you're going to live it.

Great day with the girls, friendly with Nanyang Girls and we lost but it was a great time to gain experience before the zonals. Coach and Mrs Tan treated pizza, popcorn and chicken wings to everyone and we had a great time talking bout 2011. Plus Wenyi and Tong Tong made cookies for the team too, thanks dearies! Went up to watch the basketballers' matches afterwards then went home. SECOND LAST DAY OF 2011 WOOHOO!!

2011-12-26T22:54:00.002+08:00

"I may be a failure, a nothing in the world right now. But I'm never giving up, always stepping up my game. No matter how long it takes."

Merry (belated) Christmas! To apologize for not posting on Christmas, here's a real life version of Puss in Boots. I'm sick but I miss my girls, and I really hope mom gets rid of the grounded thing. Busy last week of holidays ahead, lets do this!

2011-12-24T00:11:00.002+08:00

People will judge you, rate you and do anything to bring you down but you stand tall on your own feet and learn not to care about what they say.

Consider this post as a rant. To Afnan, I'm so sick of you assuming things when you don't even know half the story. You can call me all the names you want, whatever, I don't care. You brought me down too many times, I'm not letting you win this time round. And stop going to my account, is my life that interesting to you that you had to look at it every single day and even delete some of my own stuff? Didn't you forget? I'm nothing to you and there's nothing going on between us, anymore. We're strangers. I bet life's been so great without me, like you said. You go your own way, I'll go on mine. I'm going to be fine without you, I know I will. My world can't revolve all around just one person cause in the end, I'm all by myself in this world. My whole life used to revolve all around you then you left and everything crumbled down. I'm picking myself up and I won't look back. I'm moving on.

2011-12-22T23:50:00.002+08:00

You may not know it but thanks for being my unbiological brother.

I gave up my precious sleeping time for that school once again, wanted to have breakfast alone but Bryan called and asked me to come over to have breakfast. Thanks bro. Headed over and waited for that pig for like 20mins and I almost fell asleep on the sofa. Watched a couple of Running Man videos and they made breakfast, thanks. I really appreciate it. Continued watching at his room and that idiot stole my phone and wallet and I ended up wrestling him all over the room. Sorry for making it into a mess. Watched a couple of ghost videos before heading off. Got into trouble with mom and dad again, hahaha I'm grounded now. Yay for being 16 but today's been a good day. Thanks Koh.

2011-12-21T21:59:00.016+08:00

Unexpected plans are always the best.

Guess who's finally able to watch NC16 movies?! ME! It's my birthdayyyyy~
It's been an unforgettable day and I'm really really really thankful to have spent it with the team. Started off my day being late for SL briefing and the time I reached there, I looked like a crazy psycho running to join the group and everyone sang the birthday song for me. Thanks guys!! Headed back home and changed and met the girls at Compass and had Seoul Garden. We had nothing but food, food and more food! And I swear I probably gained 2kg from all the food. So most of the girls went to the toilet leaving me and some others at the place and they came in wit cake and the whole Seoul Garden started playing the birthday song!! Shock of my life man, I literally burst into tears, I really didn't expect that. Thank you girls!! <3 Played Jong chi mi ma afterwards and it was epic!!! Bumped into Hazizi and he gave me a balloon, awwww :3 the girls then spent $$$ riding on the kiddy ride. Headed to Pasir Ris afterwards and halfway through, we passed by Cheekim and we literally banged the windows of the bus trying to get his attention. Went to Ehub and went on the X-Rider with Xinyi. Literally screamed my lungs out because of the Cosmic Coaster. Bumped to the juniors and chitty chat for a while then headed to Pasir Ris Park and rented some bikes and I finally skated after 3 long years. Passed by the old spot where me and him used to sat and I didn't really care bout it actually, well I had a bit of nostalgia but I was having the time of my life with the girls. Skated while the others cycled from one end to the other and it was fun fun fun!!! Went back to Ehub and took a couple of photos before heading off. Bus with the girls and I literally fell asleep, I was that tired. Home afterwards. Today is officially the BESTEST birthday ever and I'm really thankful to spend it with them. I love my team. *\(♥‿♥)/*

2011-12-20T20:03:00.002+08:00

Maybe you didn't change, I just got the wrong impression of you all along.

Friendlys with NYJC yesterday. Movie and Pizza Hut with Domi and Wenyi after that, caught Alvin & The Chipmunks 3, great day with them. Love my buddies! *\(^_^)/* Friendly with Anglican High today and it was awesome!!! We won them 35 - 18 and everyone played well. Job well done team! Lepak-ed at school till 5 afterwards. And someone turning 16 tomorrow~ Woohoo!!

2011-12-18T22:47:00.003+08:00

Sometimes the past is one place no one should visit. It's long over, those are just memories.

I'm utterly disappointed in you. Seeing so much things about you yesterday and I wished it wasn't real but it is, and I'm really disappointed. You've changed, you're not the same person I knew months back. Whatever it is, I'm leaving. I'm no longer a part of your life. I'm moving forward cause this fight is not worth it anymore. You like her, fine by me. As long as she makes you happy, I'm fine with it. Good luck to you. It's gonna suck and it'll take time and I'll still miss you every now and then but this isn't worth waiting for. You're not worth it. And I deserve to be happy, just like everyone else.

so I guess this is goodbye.

2011-12-15T21:22:00.003+08:00

"What's the point of having it all without the person you love. Sometimes you just need to start again in order to fly."

Went back for training today, really got to thank these two girls in the picture and the rest of the team for keeping me motivated. And Mrs Tan too. Lunch with Bryan, Bryant and Olivier then headed off. I think I'm the nicest person on Earth, I walked that bitch to 159 bus stop even though I'm really tired. Watched Captain America afterwards. ☺

2011-12-13T21:55:00.001+08:00

"The reason why your relationships don't work out it because you just haven't found the right person yet."

Couldn't go for training, night run with Bryan from his place to NV until my knees fucked me up. My knees hurt but whatever, I survived. I hate running. Walked home after he did his sit-ups and pull ups.

2011-12-12T23:17:00.003+08:00

It's supposed to be our seventh today, but since there's no more you, there's no more anniversary. Can't believe I almost cried over you yet again. Just thinking about you could either make me cry and make me smile. It's pathetic to know that you're completely over it, while I'm here still trying to pick up the pieces and get a move on. I hate picturing you being with someone else. I don't want anyone else to hold your hand, kiss those lips or be in yours arms. I just don't want to see anyone else to take my place. :(

Training with the dearies today, so thankful that mom persuaded dad to let me go, I just hope I can continue playing till the end of zonals. I'm dead beat.

2011-12-10T23:33:00.005+08:00

I don't think that you know that the things you say have the biggest impact on me.

Out with the family to Sentosa today, it sucked. Stayed there with sissy for dinner then that bitch Bryan called me asking me to run to the Luge cause of something so I left my sister at KFC and ran there only to find out that that bitch wanted me to sell his damn ZoukOut tickets. WHAT THE FUCK. Feel guilty for slapping his back though, I wasn't much as a help in selling the tickets then ran back to the Merlion to find sissy then headed home. Fucking tired.

2011-12-08T13:44:00.004+08:00

Today I'm dedicating this post to a really good friend of mine. Bryan Koh.

I've known him for more than a year but he's one of those people I can really talk to, about anything. Sometimes I feel like he knows me more than myself. He has really taught me a whole lot of lessons by constantly scolding me at times I made wrongs. He's a really funny and childish guy and I never fail to laugh whenever he calls. He's the biggest pig I know cause he's one of those people who falls asleep while talking on the phone and even when he's watching Twilight. I mean seriously, who falls asleep while watching Twilight?! He's a bitch cause he loves to call me bitch. Even though he loves to insult me, it's okay bro. I can insult you back too hahaha. It's fun being with him cause he's a really fun person. Though it may hurt sometimes when he hits me or pinches me. Bully. Like hello? Fragile person here. It's actually really nice to know that he's still there for me even after we broke up, I mean seriously, which ex could be so good to still be there after they broke up? Well he's the only one. And I'm actually really thankful for him to be there for me on the day I broke up with Afnan. His advice really cheered me up and got me back to my feet. He's like an older brother I never had. And he's one of the only people I can really count on. Really. And it'd be a terrible loss to me if I ever lose a great friend like him.

And I know he's going to see this cause he's one of the only people who still reads this blog of mine. So ya, love you bro. ☺

2011-12-07T22:08:00.003+08:00

Together as a team. One for all, all for one.

NV Netball camp 2011 is officially over! As always, it's been filled with torturous trainings but surprisingly, they weren't as killer-like as I expected. Probably because of the new coach, it would take some getting used to but I hope I'll like her coaching. So day one started out with fartlek training and it sucked then carried on with normal training before lunch. Went off for lunch then headed back to school and did the CCAB survey. Afterwards, coach Grace did some courtwork planning and I literally fell asleep. Training after that then went to bathe and buffet. Headed to the LT to prepare the farewell and it was a success! They cried :) All the time and effort I spent on doing the powerpoint and video paid off. Ended then went to sleep. Just as I was about to sleep, they woke us up and we headed to the canteen and stayed on pumping position while others cleaned the toilets and canteens. Horrible. I mean like, I was already asleep okay. Had a hard time sleeping afterwards, if only there was a stop button to my mind. Breakfast the next day then had training. Really upset that I lost to my thoughts yet again, it's just really hard to explain what's on my mind. Headed off for lunch afterwards then went back to school for some bonding games; Sardines. Hahaha fun game. Debriefed then camp ended. Tears, loads of them. I wish I was a stronger person. I'm such a crybaby. Stayed back with the girls and played Crocodile and Pepsi Cola and took epic photos with them. Gosh, I love them so much. And I'm really going to miss them once I leave next year.

2011-12-06T07:14:00.001+08:00

Away for Netball camp. Hasta la vista!

2011-12-05T04:29:00.001+08:00

Just to sum up what's on my mind.

2011-12-03T22:51:00.004+08:00

"Love is a dream, marriage is the alarm clock."

Had a lovely day with my classmates at Ms Chang's wedding. She looked super beautiful today. Spammed pictures with my dearests then went home afterwards. And lastly, congrats to the newly-weds Mr and Mrs Ong.

2011-12-01T20:43:00.002+08:00

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell.

Went dress shopping with my darling classmates today then headed down to school for self-training. Ms Chang's wedding is on Saturday and I really think my dress isn't suited for it. I mean, it looks like I'm going for some prom, urg what will people think of me? This sucks.

2011-11-28T05:49:00.002+08:00

I just don't know if I can do it again, I just can't. I don't want to.

It's 6am on a Monday morning and I'm still up. I'm in this pathetic state again, I'm crying over you again. After all the bullshit I went through, I don't think I want to go through it again and this scares me. I just don't want any more of it. I'm done. I hate being a quitter but this is just the end of the line. I don't know what I'm doing in my life, I don't know what I want for a living, I don't know any of it. I'm a disappointment to my parents, my friends and everyone that believed in me. And I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry. It's so fucking hard for me to open up to anyone anymore because of the the damn shit that gone through me. Cause every time I open up to someone, they hurt me. They hurt me real bad. That's why I rather shut myself from everyone. I'm done. I came to a point where I think I'll never be happy again. I'm done.

2011-11-26T14:37:00.002+08:00

I need to clear my thoughts and I need to escape from myself, but I just can't because I can't handle anything anymore. I just want to go.

Back from camp.
Breakfast with my girls before camp then headed to school afterwards. Got into Banana together with Wenyi, Tongtong, Pakwan, Benedict, Fayyadd, Muthu and Wilfred. So had some games done by the sec 2s and it's was good. Injuries from the obstacle course but it's alright. Dodgeball afterwards and headed off to buy lunch. It's really amazing how I can get into auntie mode whenever I go grocery shopping, headed back to school then waited for Amazing race 1 to start. We were the last group to come back so we were the last to go. Hahaha wtf. Headed to Marina Bay and we pathetic kids couldn't find Vivian and we ended up walking across the road before Mr Firdaus came to find us. Haha wtf they were only behind the MRT station. So poor Muthu became a human banana for the day then headed for Barrage. We pathetic kids walked all the way to Marina Bay Sands when we saw the sign pointing back to the direction we came back and we just stood there going .___. then we walked back and saw Firdaus there waiting for the shuttle bus. Hahaha pathetic I know. Shuttle bus to Barrage then did Wenjing's station. My damn knee got worst standing up and down just to fill a bottle with only a sponge. Finished then headed to Mandy's station at the top of Barrage and we took the long way. We were halfway up there when we realised there was stairs to the area, :| so we were supposed to compose a song for our group then stand on one foot with a finger on our nose while looking for keys. One tourist even took a photo of us, haha wtf. Then headed down to Wenyi's station which was to stand on those massage stones and pass a ping pong ball. Ended then headed back to school. Prepared for the barbeque and found out my hidden skill, I'm an expert in fire-making ;) Played Capture The Flag afterwards, fun fun fun!!!! And wtf, I got scared by Muthu 4 times. I seriously can't see him in the dark, one moment I was alone then I turned around and saw North Vista Orientation 2011 at one corner and eyes staring at me. Wtf I could have gotten trauma alrights. Supper, bathed and debriefed before lights out. Chitty chat with Wenyi till 2 in the morning, I swear that girl's one of the bestest sisters ever. Really good talk with her and caught her unglam moments again :P

Next morning had 5bx, push-ups then breakfast. Headed out for Amazing Race 2. We're the first to go cause we came in last yesterday, say woohoo! Headed to Sentosa and went through the Broadwalk and did Yeongseok's station which was to make a Batman costume. Poor Muthu became our mascot yet again. Weihean's team came too and we ended up running for the monorail heading to the beach. Ended up allying with them in the end. Vanessa's station afterwards and we had to play Volleyball at Palawan. Loser stays, winner goes. Mickey won so we gotta stay and then the other group came and we lost too. Wtf moment cause of some reasons but pressured on and won the next. Walked to Siloso for Fayyadd's station which was to find keys in the sand then headed back to Palawan for Wanxia's station. Stupid Shafiee made my whole face covered in flour when I was grabbing the sweet. Mini flour war at the island then washed up afterwards. Headed back to Vivo afterwards, we came in 5th! Allied with Mickey again for lunch. Pathetic kids sitting outside 7-11 eating cup noodles and drinks. Went downstairs afterwards then started Race 3. 5th to go then headed to Woodleigh for some blindfold and maths station. Headed to Anchorvale afterwards and coincidentally bumped to WH's team on the train. Charades there then got separated and got back together at the bus stop. Train together then separated at Serangoon and Woodleigh then did our Nex station. Good time singing Christmas songs with the group, puzzles then epic moment looking for Mr Firdaus around nex. We just looked up and there he was, looking at us. Hahaha wtf right? It was easy and his excuse was, he just went to the toilet. Joke to the max. Took 82, joined by Mickey at Kovan then headed back to school. Hahaha and we ended up stepping into the ISH together but they won us on Bishy Bashy so we got in 2nd. Good day team! Prepared for the campfire then had dinner and had the campfire afterwards. Emcee-d it with Kelvan and lost my voice at the end of the camp. Push-ups then camp ended. Headed to RP with the girls afterwards. And knocked out at home. It's been a good camp and it's really sad to know that it's the last SL camp. I miss my group yar :(
You are my banana, my only banana, you make me happy when fruits are grey, you never know dear, how much I love you, please don't throw my bananas away.

2011-11-23T23:57:00.003+08:00

Remind me why I still think so highly of you, even after everything you've done?

Celebrated Mrs Tan's birthday with team today then had a friendly with SRJC. Away for camp tomorrow and Friday. Goodbye. Maybe camp is all I need to get my mind off everything.

2011-11-22T22:50:00.004+08:00

I made a big mistake and that's making somebody my #1 priority. Now that he's gone, I'm left behind to pick up the pieces he smashed to bits. Why did I ever made him my #1 priority? Everyone's bound to hurt me in one way or another, why did I even think he was different? Then again, I really wanted him to be the one at the end of the aisle of my wedding day. I can say that I was so in love with him, maybe my selfishness got in the way. I'm selfish because I didn't want to lose him to anyone else. What's mine is mine and I don't want to lose it. It's like he was a prize and I had to have him. It's like I was the little girl wanting to have him a huge teddy bear. Get what I mean? I had to have him. Not in any way, I just meant, I needed him to be in my life. I can't stand him not being in my life. He was the greatest thing that's ever happened to me and I just lost him, all because of me. I wish I wasn't such a mess, I wish I didn't have to change, but I did and as much as I wish I could find the old me, I can't. Time makes people change.

I also made another big mistake and that was making you look like the bad guy when in fact you weren't. I am. And for that, I'm sorry Afnan. I'm lucky to have walked this path with you, here we go our separate ways, maybe one day if I'm lucky, we'll meet again.

2011-11-21T22:31:00.002+08:00

I wish I could have stopped it but I was just too late. Nothing could be done to save us. And every single word I said just made it worst. I thought I could save us but I lost it instead.

I was alright during the day but when night falls, reality sets in. But nothing beats a good training with my darlings.

2011-11-20T03:02:00.004+08:00

"Your team will never give up on you."

Palmer Jr. netball carnival with team today (actually yesterday but I fell asleep till the next morning) Primary school kids playing netball is probably one of the cutest things ever. Took care of Jurong West primary and I became their mom for today. Adorable bunch of girls. Ended then headed to Compass for Burger King and chit chat with teamys. Home afterwards. Did I forget to mention that I love my teammates? Cause I do.☺

2011-11-17T16:14:00.003+08:00

The only person I'm trying to be better than, is the person who I was yesterday.

There's nothing more to write about my boring life. There's nothing more to look forward to as the days go by. Nothing. I'm tired, so fucking tired of caring for people who don't even spare a single thought about me. I'm also tired of being used and taken advantage of. I'M FUCKING TIRED OF EVERYTHING. Oh how I wish I could just crawl into a fetal position and sleep forever. Sick and tired of watching people leave. Yet I can't do anything about it.

I'll never stop caring, but if you decide to push me away, I'll go.

2011-11-14T20:35:00.002+08:00

It hurts just thinking about you. Every memory just brings tears to my eyes.

Another lonely day, I came to school just to see you but I didn't get to see you. How sad..

2011-11-11T23:12:00.002+08:00

I spent this special day wishing that everything would go smoothly for you.

Last day of bridging, fun day with mates. I survived today, I'm sure I'll survive the next few coming my way. Boy, you're just that special to me that I used today's wishes on you, just you. It's been a while since we last talked but I hope life's going well for you. I miss you.

2011-11-10T20:16:00.002+08:00

You're just that one thing I can never let go off, no matter how long it's been. You're like the oxygen I breathe, without you, I'll die.

School felt super long despite me only stupid for four periods, porridge with my girls after school then rushed back to school for SL camp. Great day great day. I can't wait for camp.

2011-11-07T21:17:00.002+08:00

It's not that I don't want you, you want her instead. And comparing me to her, I stand no chance. So what for start a battle when there's no chance at winning?

Lovely day spent with my dearies Wenyi, Angelu, Vivian, Xiaomin and Trudy. Met those girls on the train then headed to Vivo and got our stuff for our picnic. Went to Sentosa Broadwalk then reached Sentosa in a longggggg time then we got lost so we took the monorail to Beach station and settled down by the coconut trees. Eat and eat and eat then camwhored and frisbee! I got pushed into the sea because of Angelu and Vivian. Those two short girls had to leave early so the rest of us ended up suntanning. Dumb banglahs stared at us, like hello? Keep your eyes to yourself geez. Bumped to Bryan K and chit chat and there was this angmoh dude beside him named Joe!! Heh he shook my hand :3 continued suntanning and frisbee afterwards then headed to Wavehouse to shower and chitty chat with another Bryan. Then headed for desserts with the girls at Macs then headed home.

2011-11-04T23:49:00.003+08:00

No matter how long it's been, no matter how many times we've argued, I'll still be there for you if you ever need somebody.

Before the day ends, a quick post! ^3^ School yet again, weights after school then a match against Chong Boon, it was tough but we won, 49 - 24. Great job team, many improvements made. We go uphill from now on, together. I love my team.

Hey boy, it's been a month and I'm still in love with you. I'm not over you, I don't think I ever will. I hope you did well for your Os. I miss us, but I miss you more. I lost a bestfriend, you. As much as I wish we would get back together someday, the chances are slim. But I guess I should let you find your own happiness.

2011-11-03T20:14:00.002+08:00

I wish that some people in my life would just cut the bullshit and be totally honest about something, just for once.

I just can't wait for the week to be over. Besides that, I'm in the same group as Wenyi, Warner and Wilfred for camp! Match against Chong Boon tomorrow, lets just hope I survive tomorrow.

2011-11-01T21:20:00.002+08:00

Even though I mean nothing to you anymore, I'll still be here if you ever need a friend.

School's getting really boring these days. Every single day feels like a Friday since it ends at 12:35 always. Friendly match against Pasir Ris Crest and won them 55 - 11. Great job team. Pasar Malam with them afterwards. Love these girls. Busy busy week ahead :(

2011-10-27T21:23:00.003+08:00

You knew damn well what you were doing. You knew damn well who you were breaking.

Why the fuck did I cry when I saw you just now? I thought I told myself that I'm over you, I'm really over you but these are all just lies to myself. I'm not over you, I don't think I ever will. Maybe time's all I need. But it really hurts to see you doing just fine without me. Did I ever cross your mind at all?

2011-10-25T22:33:00.003+08:00

You almost feel ashamed that someone could be that important, that without them, you feel like nothing.

Frisbee finals today against E5 and it was fun fun fun! Good game peeps. Life's good these days, even the little things. Helped out in the OPE trials and played badminton and basketball. Oh gawd, is it weird to miss a sport? Super fun time with the girls today. Things are gonna get better.

2011-10-23T22:19:00.002+08:00

As long as you promise to be happy, I'll let you go. After all, loving someone is the same as wanting to see them happy right?

Went for the second casting for Elite Models today, yep I got shortlisted! Headed to Ion Orchard and I literally got stunned by the catwalk, I was literally debating to myself whether or not to go for it. Then this woman came up to me and asked if I had a call back then she brought me to the counter and I met this girl Charmaine, yep she's nervous too but she's really friendly. Went backstage and all those tall, pretty and skinny girls made me feel really inferior. Did hair and waited and waited, then the ceiling collapsed. Scariest shit ever, everyone went out and then waited for our turns for the interview. Went for the catwalk afterwards, all lights and all eyes were on me. Of course I got nervous. Thank goodness I didn't fall off the stage, good comments from the judges. Hehehe I have a nice body and smile. That did boost my confidence by a little. Headed home afterwards, funnest experience ever. I swear.

2011-10-20T21:44:00.002+08:00

"I never meant to hurt you." That doesn't really matter, cause in the end, it all hurts just the same.

Fine Ladies and True Gentlemen workshop today, it was kinda fun. Well only during the eating part, the rest were boring. Training afterwards, it was fun fun fun fun! Life's good right now, I don't want anything to come by and ruin it. But then thinking about the future really scares me, I'm not prepared. Just really glad to have my teamys by my side for the strength and support.

2011-10-19T17:37:00.002+08:00

I wish I could fix things between us, I wish things didn't turn out the way they did, I wish that I could call you mine again. Sometimes I wish I could of been a different person and I wish I could turn back times so I could experience all those heart warming memories with you again. But I can't and that's what hurts me every day. People say as time goes by it get's easier to forget someone who once meant the world to you, but in reality everyday it just starts to sink in and hurt you even more. Everyday you reminisce all the these memories that you two created together. Everyday you remember the laughs, the smiles, and even the tears you both had share together and these memories hurt you and make you happy. This person had such a huge impact on your life and now that they are gone it just hurts you more and more everyday I guess… and you miss them so much.. It hurts deep inside your heart..

just to sum up everything I'm feeling.

2011-10-18T22:58:00.003+08:00

You're such an important person in my life, even if we're nothing but friends or strangers, I'll still care about you, I urge you, please do well and take cares. I can't help but blame myself if you don't do well.

Emotional tight day. Umpired for the Sec2 interclass netball tournament and some people actually reached my limits but stayed my cool and handled everything properly. Results came back today too, despite the disappointments, there were some improvements and I really got to give myself a pat on my back. Even if they're not expected, I'll do my best next year. I really do hope everyone in E6 promotes. Training in the afternoon afterwards, close to breaking my limits but thank God for the strength. I really have to thank my teammates for the emotional support and encouragements. And to you, I wish you all the best.

2011-10-16T22:11:00.002+08:00

If you don't want to tell me the truth, that's okay. Just don't lie to me.

Great day out with Eunice today! Headed to her church in the morning and many awkward moments happened. 1. I bumped into someone and wanted to apologised but I choked on my saliva. 2. I stood waiting at the wrong door hoping it'll open for 30s. 3. I didn't press the bell so I just stood in the bus staring at Eunice until I realised that I was supposed to go out and I couldn't tap my card for quite some time. I'm such an embarrassment, so headed to her church, and honestly, I didn't went to a church for nearly a year and I'm like some awkward turtle during their session. Introduced to some of her friends then headed off to Dhoby for some lunch at Burger King. Shop shop walk walk along town. Bumped to the lost Dominica who couldn't find her friend and she's phoneless. Then walked along 313 and Orchard Central until some Angmoh dude stopped us and asked us to go for the Elite Model Look thingy at O.C. So yeah, declined and walked around then curiosity got the better of me and we decided to check that place out. I feel damn insecure because of these models and then.. another woman approached us and asked us to join it too. But yeah, decided not to then walked around and got some free coke from these 91.3fm peeps. Headed to Cathay for the flea and bumped to Ian Fang, picture taking but damn wtf k I was gonna take my photo with him and he was talking on the phone and I stood there like some idiot. Went off and walked around random malls then decided to go back to Orchard Central and do that thingy. It's a rare chance too, and Elite Models is a damn prestigious company so what the heck?! We stood there and a THIRD person came up to us and asked us to join so headed there and waited till they called us for hair and make up. I swear, I will never look good in make up. So the thing is we had to do hair and make up then go for a catwalk and photoshoot. I swear I can never walk in heels. But the cute photographer was nice and stuff, finished then went off. It was a good experience though, even if my self esteem dropped to a -9999999 at that place cause of those damn tall and gorgeous people. Home afterwards.

2011-10-15T13:38:00.002+08:00

I guess you were one of those people who was supposed to walk into my life, teach me a lesson, and then walk away.

It's harder now, every single day seems like a marathon to me. It leaves me breathless at the end of the day. They were damn right when they say that people change, things change. You're not the same person I knew six months ago. That quiet boy that hardly spoke a word when he walked me home. Honestly, I miss that boy. I admit, I miss us, but I miss you more. I admit, even I changed too, time does that to people but I miss the old me too. I just want my best friend back. I'm really tired of losing the people that are dear to me, I really am.

2011-10-13T18:22:00.001+08:00

I realised that the things I write or do is starting to make more people hate me. It's maybe best I just kept everything inside of me and pretend that it's not affecting me, I shouldn't be posting all my emo stuff on Twitter or wherever, I'm going overboard and people are starting to get annoyed by it. As much as I want to talk to you and be with you, I can't. I mustn't be selfish and pull you down with me. It happened once and I can't that happen again. I don't want you to end up a failure like me. Maybe it's best that I leave you alone, you'll be much happier. The world would be a much better place without me. I'm like the harbinger of bad news. My existence is the cause of many problems, I know. I ask myself if there's a chance for the both of us, I doubt it. I'm such a horrible person. Why would anyone want to be with me? I ruin everything. I guess that's why many have left me, I'm really horrible and selfish. I'm possessive too, because what's mine is mine and I don't want to lose it. But I guess my over-protectiveness and jealously has made me lose you instead. Regrets. I should have treated you much better and not hurt you every single time, I'm sorry for being a horrible girlfriend. I'm so sorry for existing. I lost everything. Honestly, I don't know what to do anymore.

2011-10-12T14:14:00.005+08:00

Things change, people change, that's life. It's just way too hard to accept that fact.

It's the 12th again, it could have been our 5th month, but yeah, it's not. Around a time like this, we would probably be our of school meeting each other and going on our little dates haha but I guess today, we're not doing that. Flashbacks in my head of the past few months, even the times we weren't together yet, those times are the best. It's funny how we were total strangers at first, then we became friends, then bestfriends and lovers but those times being his bestfriends was probably one of the best I had. It's great to be bestfriends and lovers at the same time, nothing's awkward. I'm still madly in love with you and I'm still keeping the promises I made to you, but I'll leave you alone as your Os are the most important right now and I really want you to do well, so all the best of luck buddy. ☺ I'll always be here giving you support.

2011-10-11T19:54:00.002+08:00

You know I don't want anyone else but you. Stop saying that I deserve better, cause you're already the best for me.

Really really tough week of hectic studying with Eunice and I'm happy to say that exams are over!! Great movie marathon with the girls watching Mirrors, Honey 2 and 300 today. Thankful to have these girls by my side.

2011-10-09T05:21:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, you just got to accept the fact that the people you can't live without, can live without you.

It's 5am on a Sunday morning and it's nearing the end of my exams. Lots of thoughts the past few days and I'm barely surviving. I just really hope things will be just the same once our exams are over. I fucked up.

2011-10-04T22:30:00.003+08:00

Thanks for everything Afnan, I love you. All the memories will be kept in my heart, forever. Bestfriends since day 1, I knew you were going to be someone special. You'll forever be someone special, whether we're together or not. Cause I believe that if two people are meant to be together, they'll eventually be together in the end. :)

2011-10-02T23:12:00.002+08:00

"Just remember you are stronger than who you think you are." - Coach

Things ain't gonna be easy for the next few days, hopefully I'll still be alive by the time exams are over. I think I'll take a short break from Blogger, I don't know what to post anyways, my life is so boring. All I can hope for is that you'll stay with me throughout this hard time we're facing.

2011-09-30T20:33:00.002+08:00

It would take a whole lot of medication to realise what we used to have, we don't have it anymore.

Start of exams today and I'm gonna be really really busy. A text from him just wishing me good luck brings my entire mood up and motivates me. I don't want to screw my papers up like how I did for the past two years. This time, it's different. I will do my best and hopefully you'll be proud.

2011-09-26T21:39:00.000+08:00

I will be back.

2011-09-23T21:26:00.001+08:00

If I had a time machine, I'd go back in time and take away all your pain. I only want you to be happy, even if I'm not the reason for it.

Things are still the same, a mess. Did badly for oral cause my mind wasn't with me at all. Headed to french after that, it's nice to know that some people actually talk to me there and they even asked me about you. I just gave them a thumbs up and went back to my own world. I do hope things will be better soon cause I can't seem to deal with the pain.

2011-09-21T21:30:00.002+08:00

I had enough of opening up to people and letting them know everything about me, I always get hurt in the end.

I really need to rant. I don't know what's going on, I'm afraid sooner or later, I'll breakdown again. It's not bothering me, it's not bothering me, it's not bothering me. It is bothering me. My mind's screaming, my head's turning. I'm going insane soon. I guess that's what you get when you open up to someone, you get so used to their existence and without them, even for a day, it's like losing a part of yourself. You feel weak, paranoid and confused. Happiness cease to exist. And you feel invisible to everyone...

2011-09-20T20:38:00.002+08:00

You have no idea how closely I wrapped myself around your heart. It's probably cause of the bullshit I've gone through, I don't want the same things to happen again.

Cool day to study study and study~

2011-09-18T14:21:00.002+08:00

Thank you coach for raising me up, you're like a second mother to me. You taught me many values which I'll imply in my life. Without you, I think I would end up in bad company but thanks to your lectures, threats and scoldings, I didn't. You always encouraged me to do better than what I think I could. You taught me how to overcome my limits and made me a stronger person. Even though I cried hundreds of times during your torturous trainings, you never did gave up on me. You also gave me wonderful teammates who are always there for me, thick or thin. You gave me confidence when I really needed it. Even though you scolded me hundreds of times over many mistakes I'd done, I'll miss them for sure, your scoldings. You grew me up, you watched over each and every one of us like a daughter. Your stories touched me and made me want to be a better person. It's not going to be the same without you, it'll be hard but we'll survive, we'll do you proud and achieve Top 2 for you. Thank you for everything. I love you and I will you all the best in your future. I'll miss you coach. Thank you.

2011-09-16T21:11:00.010+08:00

Your smell makes me high. Your kisses take me over the edge. Your smile makes my heart pound. Your hugs bring me to cloud nine. Basically, you're my own personal brand of heroine.

School passed by really quickly today, awesome much? Met up with my boy and he accompanied me home. Usual spot then went back home to put my stuff then met him again. He was napping on the table with the Pooh I gave him as a pillow, that was the cutest thing ever. Our lil Pooh had a good trip around on the back of his bag too. Cutest thing I swear. Headed to Hougang Mall and met Rui Zhong then had a late lunch at LJS. Good laughs there, epic moments. Ended up being way too late for french so didn't go for it in the end, headed to RZ's neighbourhood and stayed at the playground. Oh gosh, childhood memories much.Super fun time on the swings and the kids were super cute. Walked through the field and sang HSM's Everyday. Omg, damn fun. Took bus to the park somewhere only we know then played at the swings and the stuff there. It's childish, who cares? Had a super fun time. Days spent with my boy are always the greatest. Walked to the bus stop and they sent me off. Naww, thanks guys. Meet lil Pooh! :D

2011-09-15T20:27:00.003+08:00

Honestly, I wish that that would happen to me. But nah, I doubt it'll ever happen.

Last training with coach today. Things aren't gonna be the same, it already feels like everything's changing. I just got to adapt to it.

2011-09-12T20:59:00.002+08:00

One day you're going to meet someone special and your life is changed, forever.

Happy 4th month baby! It's been a hell of a crazy rollercoaster ride but I'm enjoying every minute of it. School reopened today and I literally died due to my headaches, stomach aches, muscle aches and sleepiness. Met up with my boy after that and we had loads of fun. Days get 100 times better with him around.

2011-09-11T19:00:00.002+08:00

You are your own worst enemy, fear only exists in the one place you can't escape from, your mind.

PESS today, disappointed with myself. I only got to pick myself up and move on; be stronger mentally and physically. Great time with team.

2011-09-07T22:44:00.001+08:00

I get jealous easily because what's mine is mine and I don't want to lose it. Yes, I'm that selfish.

My body and mind's screaming for a break. I haven't even touched my books...

2011-09-05T21:20:00.005+08:00

Happy birthday Afnan!!! ♡‿♡

It's my boy's birthday today!!! Met up with him and his buddies at Nex and yeah, I was late. But yeah, all the guys were playing their arcade games so waited for them then headed to Dhoby. Walked around to kill time then headed to Sakura for lunch, great buffet there but ya, didn't have much appetite today. Walked around Plaza Sing after that then headed back to Nex to catch Crazy Stupid Love. Good time there with da burpday boy then the guys wasted a long time at the arcade again. Headed to Kovan for pool afterwards then my boy sent me off. ♥

2011-09-04T19:37:00.001+08:00

I love it when I'm in your arms and honestly there's nowhere else I'd rather be.

☺ Self reflection. ☺

2011-09-01T23:10:00.003+08:00

You have no idea what you do to me. You can make me feel more emotions in one second than I would normally feel in a year.

Teachers' day celebration in NV today + ACES day. Great dance with Mandy, we didn't fall off the table! Lessons were a bore, seriously? Why do you want lessons during a celebration? Recess with my boy and his family at their class. Mama Beiwen gave me a cupcake ^v< Went off for the concert after that. Literally teared up during Sherman's performance. Afnan's the greatest. Met up with him after the concert and went out. Unforgettable day. All my energy's literally drained. I'm so tired.

2011-08-31T22:27:00.002+08:00

Society's been a big influence to many these days. What happened to originality? Why is everybody so judgmental?

Five badass punks skipped school today and left 3E6 with only 12 people. Lol but I'm not one of them okay. Yar sorry, the above is random. School made me super reckless and I did many random stuff my poor classmates thought I've gone mad. SL dry run after school, it was fun yar! Poor me and Mandy's gonna dance on the tables, hopefully we won't fall yar. Hmm.. so joined Afnan at the Hall for the concert then he sent me to the bus stop after that. Can't wait for tomorrow ya!

Last day of August! Woohoo!

2011-08-29T21:09:00.002+08:00

Real love? It's when you go through the hard trials of trust and sacrifice, but you still wake up every morning falling in love all over again.

Self reflection the past few days. Training today, learnt so much, glad to know that some people didn't give up on me. Home after that. Time to buck on my studies! One month to EOYs.

2011-08-26T21:33:00.002+08:00

Just keep moving forward and don't give a shit about what anyone thinks. Do what you have to do, for you.

Cold cold cold rainy morning, usual walk to school with da boy, he's a bad umbrella holder but damn he's sweet, school was boring then porridge with the girls after school, went back to school for the cross country assessment, it went well. Well done to all my babes! Dinner at AMK then headed home.

2011-08-24T22:57:00.002+08:00

The greatest thing in life is finding someone who knows all your mistakes and differences and still finds you absolutely amazing.

Late for training but rushed down for ACES day practice and joined training awhile. Surprising ya, she didn't got angry. School was boring, met up with Afnan after that then headed to nex. Study plan failed and we ended up walking around and ya, we ended up at Kovan after that then headed to the park nearby, talked bout life and stuff, good old memories from the area too. Really really nice day with him. It's amazing how someone special could take all your frustrations away so easily.

2011-08-23T21:15:00.001+08:00

You can't please everyone, there's bound to be haters somewhere out there. It's up to you to live your life and not let anyone's comments bring you down.

It's only Tuesday and I'm already tired. I need a vacation.

2011-08-22T21:45:00.002+08:00

I'm far from perfect. But I will be perfect for that imperfect someone who is perfect for me.

School sucks yar, but PE is the only exception. Accompanied my boy while he did his coursework then headed to Anchorvale and stayed at some playground. Lolya, I studied okay! And he slept and did his random stuff. But yeah, it was super cute. Any day with my boy makes it 1000x better. ☺

2011-08-20T19:45:00.002+08:00

For boys, it's bros before hoes. For girls, it's chicks over dicks. For me, it's 'whoever the fuck has my back over those fake asses, any day.'

Sports taping and mental prep course today, I'll say, it was really helpful. Headed to RP then I scared my girls just by leaving in a hurry.. cause I had to go to Lorong Ah Soo. Yup, private reasons. But my trip there was worth it. It's a sad thing he always sees me in my weak moments but hopefully, everything would be alright soon. I can't bear to lose you, you mean everything to me. I love you.

2011-08-18T20:52:00.003+08:00

I'm so tired of people bringing up my past mistakes and failures.

Things aren't going well these days. Everything's trying to test my patience, sooner or later I'll explode. I wonder why do I even come back to this pathetic blog of mine. No one reads it. I have such a boring life.

2011-08-16T16:33:00.002+08:00

I'll always put everyone else's feelings before my own. I just wish someone would do that for me for once.

Falling sicker and getting weaker every day. I don't even have the strength to get up these days. Maybe I'm dying, who knows anyway. This feeling's nice.

2011-08-15T22:02:00.001+08:00

I promise to sing to you when you're sad… not because I sing well, but because the very sound of my awful voice will cheer you up.

Cold cold school day, and after that, time with da boy. ^^

2011-08-12T19:51:00.003+08:00

With you is where I'd rather be, cause that's the only place I feel safest.

Oh yes! It's me and da boy's third monthsary yo!

School was hella slow and being sick made it worst. Headed to nex to watch The Rise Of The Planet Ape or something like that. Basically, it's all about monkeys. Lol, and ya. Some of them reminded me to him. Yeah, I'm not mean but yeah, it kinda looked like him. Took 53 to Bishan for french but I wasn't feeling well so I left early and he came over to make sure I was fine. Good chat with him then went home. I think if I'm sick, I could say or do really crazy things. Fun fun fun day! I love Afnan. ☺

2011-08-09T21:58:00.002+08:00

This picture has no link to today's post but...

Happy Birthday Singapore!!
And we bid a final farewell to his excellency, President SR Nathan. Lastly, I hope the people in London are safe from harm and peace would come back to that lovely nation.

2011-08-08T18:50:00.002+08:00

Never in a million years will I ever find someone like you.

One of the best days ever. NDP celebration in school was kind of boring but my dear Jinghui kept me entertained. The concert was kind of disappointing but damn, Abigail, Zann and Siang Joo's voice are awesome. Headed back to class to get our souvenirs, and lol yeah our cheap school gave us milo and buns. Met up with Afnan afterwards and took 89 to Pasir Ris. Unluckily, we got on the same bus as my teammates and I got all those 'EHEH' stares. Headed to Pasir Ris beach and sat by the spot we used to sit and silently remembered the old times. Great chat with him too. Walked around Ehub afterwards then decided to join his buddies at Hougang Plaza's pool. I suck at pool. Yeah lol, my skills dropped and I was a joke there. Left with Afnan then walked around Hougang Mall for lunch. Yumyum and some crazy auntie had to ruin it. Farewell at the bus stop and I swear today was damn awesome!!! I love Afnan. :)

2011-08-06T22:02:00.004+08:00

Good relationships don't just happen. They take time, patience and two people who truly want to be together. I can't promise you a perfect relationship, but what I can promise you is that as long as we're trying, I'm staying.

Run in Macritchie today. It was fun minus the running part. Monkeys! Great walk and chat with Wenyi too. She was so afraid of bridges. Headed to AMK hub for KOI, Mos burger and tako yaki and went home afterwards.
I miss Afnan! :(

2011-08-03T22:13:00.001+08:00

The scars inside will hurt forever. Everyone's leaving me.

Too sad to blog. Goodbye.

2011-08-02T22:26:00.002+08:00

When you're around someone so much, they become a part of you, and when they change or go away, you don't know who you are without them.

August sucks. It's only the first two days yet they're horrible. I can't wait till Sunday comes. My boy's still sick and here I am, worrying about him. I really hope he recovers fully soon. Tests tests and more tests coming up. I'll be surprised if I'm ever alive.

2011-07-31T23:10:00.003+08:00

I may act like a kid, but at least, when I tell you that I love you, I miss you and I care for you, I mean it. Because kids don't lie.

Met up with my boy just now, we sat down under 305C and talked then mom called and me and him rushed up to the 16th floor and hid there for awhile. I swear he looks super cute with his new haircut. Even though I laughed at him, secretly, I loved it. He's just the cutest angel ever. Even though I always bully him and deny that he's one, deep down, inside of me, he's the greatest person ever. I feel so guilty for getting him in trouble with his parents cause of me, someday, I'll find a way to repay him. Never in a million years will I ever find someone like him. He's mine, all mine, till death do us part. I love Afnan Muhd.

2011-07-29T19:43:00.003+08:00

No, I'm not going to lose feelings. No, I'm not going to find someone better. No, I'm not going to cheat on you. And no, I'm not going to leave you. I've already made up my mind, I want you and only you. No one else. Because to me, you're my kind of perfect.

I hope he's fine, I haven't seen him all day, yet again, I won't see him during the long weekends. I hope I don't get bad news from him nor his friends, but all I can do is sit by and pray for his recovery. Lost my motivation for everything, all I can think about is him.

2011-07-29T03:44:00.003+08:00

Here's the thing, if you love something, you've got to fight for it. Even if you lose, at least you'd know that you'd tried. But here I stand, I'll fight for you if I have to.

Been so busy and tired lately that I've been neglecting my blog. Oh wells, who reads it anyway? Trainings, studying and of course, going out with that boy of mine. ☺

2011-07-25T20:10:00.001+08:00

When you love someone, thinking about them is like breathing. You do it without thinking and you do it all the time.

School sucked. Lessons as usual and I only got to leave at 2.40pm. Joined my boy and his friends at the library and waited for him to finish his studying. Lunch afterwards then headed off to Anchorvale. I need motivation. Booster session much. He sent me home afterwards. ☺

2011-07-23T18:15:00.001+08:00

Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up. I need your loving hands to come and pick me up.

Last Pesta Sukan carnival for the sec threes. Satisfied with the games yet I'm disappointed with my performance. Hell lots of thoughts. I need a break from everything.

2011-07-19T20:45:00.000+08:00

Promise me, you'll always be happy by my side. I promise to sing to you, when other music dies.

I'm tired, really tired, I can feel every bone in my body aching and I could drop dead any moment. Too much in my mind, sooner or later, I'm gonna breakdown but whatever it is, I'll try my best to stay strong and not let anyone down.

2011-07-17T14:20:00.004+08:00

You make my heart do cartwheels. When I first saw you that night, I couldn't keep my eyes off you.

NV's 10th anniversary last night, it was such a pity it had to end so quickly. Lunch with mates at Subway, damn they looked gorgeous. Took the bus to Nanyang Poly then reached and waited and sat at our places. The whole concert was awesome, I mean seriously breathtaking. Mantinee show ended then walked around. Joined Afnan and his buddies afterwards for the evening show. My god, he looked so great! Sat with him and I literally froze. Thank goodness he was there. The evening concert was great too. The atmosphere was fantastic! Everyone looked so gorgeous in their outfits and the performers did great. Ended close to 9.30pm then took a couple of photos then headed to YCK station and train to AMK then farewelled with his friends and headed off for a late dinner with my boy. Took 159 back home and I swear, he looks so cute when he's asleep. He walked me back home and the night had to end. Wish I could have stayed out longer with him but thanks to my dear parents. But I swear, that night was unforgettable.
I love my teammates, friends, and of course, the one and only, Afnan Muhd.

2011-07-15T22:28:00.002+08:00

Strong women know how to take a lot of pain and strong men know how to heal it.

It's Friday! Friday! Lunch with mates, waited for Afnan, studied chem with him then Yvonne, Rui Zhong, Ryan and Daniel joined in then headed to Compass and walked till 8pm. Damn those people were damn hilarious. Fun day. He sent me home afterwards. ☺

2011-07-14T20:59:00.002+08:00

Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Others stay awhile, make footprints on our hearts and we are never, ever the same.

I hope someday the days will be cooler cause it's been so darn hot these days. Went to the doc's today, thank goodness my hand didn't get a fracture or whatever. Glad to have such great people in my life.

2011-07-12T19:03:00.003+08:00

I wished you could look through my eyes, you are perfect to me and I can never imagine myself being with someone else. Even if things won't be easy, I'll be by your side, never leaving, we'll go through this together.

School sucks. I injured my hand. But forget that,
Hi Afnan, Happy 2nd month!! I love you.